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Hmmm...secretly talking to another woman online is just "innocent flirting"? Look, just because they haven't connected physically doesn't mean they haven't connected emotionally, no matter how your dude rationalizes it. Say we do give him the benefit of the doubt and accept that these late-night IMs are harmless.
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You could even look at this as an opportunity to figure out what's missing in your relationship.
In most cases, people seek out attention from the opposite sex when they're feeling unappreciated at home. Still, regardless of what his motives might be, you need to tell him to stop corresponding with her ASAP.
If you have a friend like this then you have a friend for life, so cherish the moments with that special person.
Child support is to support the child, not the parents habbits.
A real friend understands where you've been & accepts who you've become.
A real friend stands by you for the good times & bad.
It makes you uncomfortable as it should and it's certainly not helping your relationship.
Hopefully, this is an isolated incident, but be firm with him for the future: Any more online escapades, and he's out.