When a woman cheats, it’s usually because her emotional needs are no longer being met—maybe she no longer feels seen or cared for or understood.
Being cheated on is one of the most painful, shattering experiences, one that I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. You feel betrayed, your trust is destroyed, your self-esteem is ravaged, and you can’t stop questioning what you did wrong and what signs you must have missed.
The one thing I wish I had realized a decade ago, when the guy I considered to be the love of my life cheated on me, is that it really had nothing to do with me, it was the result of his own internal issues. The reason I was so confused back then is I didn’t have an understanding of the male psyche, and I didn’t know the internal psychological factors that cause men to cheat.
He needs to feel like he is “conquering,” like he is significant, like he is having an impact on the world, like his is pursuing his mission in life.
Women are typically more driven by the desire to connect and build interpersonal relationships.
He feels like he is constantly disappointing his woman and nothing he does is good enough.
He may feel like she no longer desires him sexually, like she doesn’t appreciate him, like she’s disappointed in him, like she isn’t impressed by him.
I am not saying there is an excuse why he did it, but there is a reason.
And knowing the reason can be therapeutic in a way.
If these feelings converge with him meeting a woman who is turned on by him, who does value him, who does appreciate him, who makes him feel like a man well….
Men usually are tempted to cheat when they no longer feel like winners in their relationship. I’m not talking about narcissists or sociopaths or guys with major commitment issues.
A man’s most fundamental drive in this world is to feel like a winner.