(And, of course, he finally broke the silent treatment via the day after I got home to Michigan. I knew I didn’t want to have The Conversation via G-chat but I also knew I couldn’t not say something when I was so mentally prepared to say something. I was I thought.) He flat-out said, “Are you really going to let a fear of rejection keep you from getting what you really want? ” I don’t remember how the G-chat conversation ended, but I know it ended suddenly. I had written notes on what I wanted to say because I was so nervous. I’m way better off without him, but I hate that it happened the way it did. I tweeted you about it last night (@jaclynsouza) and said I am now with the guy and we are ridiculous in a good way.
Then I did it again, in the early part of 2009, when I was living in NYC and was crushing so hard on a good guy friend.
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I’m making things really easy for you, like I wish someone had done for me.
Rule #2 states that when it comes to relationships, knowing is better than not knowing. I believe that feelings are not meant to be hidden away and that once you hear “no,” you can move on with your life and find someone who will say “yes”…but as long as you avoid the facts and keep telling yourself it could be yes, you’ll be miserable.
If you, like me, are not a fan of emoting to other people because you feel your emotions so strongly that you think they (they don’t) and are still claiming it’s awkward and bad timing or some other nonsense…well, today, I’m giving you a starting point.
But first, some background on how I got to the point of confessing my love via e-mail in the first place!
I did the whole secret crush thing with two different guys in college for and it didn’t work out so well.
And it was always particularly messy for me because I handled it so poorly.
At this point, I still thought it was appropriate to hide my feelings as much as possible. It just kind of hit me (and him) in the face this weekend and I am at a loss for what to do.
No matter which approach I took, the whole “not saying anything ever” thing never really worked out too well for me leading up to this point. And with this last situation, I let it get really, really bad. Reading this post could not have come at a better time. Definitely did confess my love for one of my closest friends at the time.
There was drama (I have no idea what about at this point) and then there was the silent treatment and, because I was still at a point where living my life like a WB teen drama felt right, I let things get all Season Finale dramatic and just up and moved out of NYC without telling him. Because…I wasn’t going to tell him to go date some other girl. I waited six months to tell him how I felt and now he was telling me that he had met someone?! Hands shaking, told him to meet me because I had some things to talk to him about… The next time, I was super reluctant to date my best guy friend, but the dating was just an extension of the friendship we’d built and now we are happily married :) Reply Ha, I did this when it was way WAY too late (too late as in we had already stopped speaking because he had started dating a “friend” of mine and I just abruptly stopped speaking to both of them) and I wrote an absurdly long email and he just wrote back “You’re being dramatic.” We haven’t seen or spoken since and it’s been two years. My stomach was just churning reading this because I have so, so been there.
Why would I ever actually just anyone how I felt when I could instead blow him off, pretend I didn’t like him, and not say anything when he talked about other girls? I do know that there is so much at stake and ruining the relationship we currently have is not something I am interested in doing.
I would just swallow my feelings, make up excuses for why I couldn’t tell him, and then I would periodically lose my shit and get standoffish before eventually getting all Joey Potter bitchy and then giving him the silent treatment for days/weeks/months. But I cannot think, eat, or focus on anything at all.