podcast and answered ten questions on singleness and dating.
We get a lot of questions from young Christian men and women who are “not yet married.” Their season of life awakens many desires and hopes, uncertainties and insecurities, and tricky pastoral questions.
But in a day when so much nominalism passes for authentic maturity, give us a few simple marks of spiritual growth that a man or woman should be looking for in a potential spouse.
I think what you are looking for is seriousness about growth in the person’s faith.
Is there such a thing as “too fast” in Christian dating?
How do you know if a dating relationship is moving too quickly emotionally, or too quickly toward marriage?
Because what I have tragically found is that Christian singles hit an area of desperation, particularly young women, and they will go: “Yeah, he is a Christian, he comes to church.” And really what they’re saying is this guy comes to church a couple of times a month, but outside of attending a service, he doesn’t have a real seriousness about growing in his understanding of the Lord, growing in his understanding of the Bible, being a prayerful person, no vivication or mortification that can be spotted, and no one who really knows them enough to speak to the growth in their character.
Now practically speaking, this means singles are seeking out people to speak into their lives.
They are being discipled, whether that be organizationally or organically, whether they are part of a church’s system for discipleship or they just found an older man or an older woman and invited that person to speak into their lives.
And I think those pieces are a much safer gauge than whether they highlight passages in their Bible and show up to service every week.
I am going to be real cautious about saying there is such a thing as “too fast.” What I would rather ask is this: What’s driving the speed?
To help find the right questions, we called on three not-yet-married friends who gave some time to thinking about the challenges faced by singles — Lore Ferguson, Paul Maxwell, and the recently engaged Marshall Segal.
We ended up with these questions: The Bible commands Christians to marry “in the Lord,” that is, to marry other Christians (1 Corinthians ; 2 Corinthians ).